I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
wat bout pragnant strippers??
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
