haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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