That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
