i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
