There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
