This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
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