So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im six kinds of drunk right now
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
