East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
