There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
