whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
