if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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