i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
