I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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