It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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