would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
