I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
