omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize