There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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