dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
