If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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