i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
