Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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