He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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