great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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