So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She swung at the pinata with crutches
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
