Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
