If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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