Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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