Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
