After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
