he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
