Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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