Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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