he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
