I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
