i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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