Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
