Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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