I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
