His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
