i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
