Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
