hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
