I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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