Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
