you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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