Can i not drive my cunt home
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
