you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just blew my weed a kiss
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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