Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
