I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
