porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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