i'm signing you up for texting rehab
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
