I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
50% drunk capacity currently
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
