idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
