the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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