I'm really into asian looking animals
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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