I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
