Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
