I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
