Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just pee around me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
