Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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