Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
