i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sorry my hands just texted you
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
