Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
