if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
