it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
