I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
