ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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