Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
