____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
