first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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