you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
