I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
