I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
