garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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