dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
