there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
