Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize